“Vulnerability is being confident in the Whole of who you are.”
How to express our thoughts and emotions and then let them go? The answer lies below the surface. Behind every thought, there is a belief, and behind every emotion there is a desire. If you can ask yourself the question of where does this thought originate within me, and what is the truest essence of this desire, you will find what I call Vulnerable Expression.
Vulnerable Expression is what is shared when blame, reaction, and projection are no longer part of your communication. Instead, what get’s conveyed is the truth of what you are seeking, free of any doubts you have about getting it or how you think you might go about getting it. Let me give a personal example (it’s a little long, but getting vulnerable is about not leaving out the details).
“So, I’d been having a pretty rough week, a lot of instability in plans, last minute changes, and the stress of knowing my then girlfriend (whom I’d not seen in 5 months) was arriving within days, and I didn’t have a home for us to live in. I was feeling lost, anxious, and overall alone in my efforts.
I’d called my Mom and Sister to pick me up from Los Angeles, where I’d been looking for a place to rent. They drove all the way up from San Diego to get me, and it was fairly late at night. I’d exhausted my options and had found myself out on the streets, no car, and no home.
When they arrived, there was a sense of relief, of relaxation. I wasn’t really alone anymore. I didn’t express it…only the thought came to me, but not the words. I feel this can often be the case, where we feel and think something powerful in the moment, but hesitate to mention it for fear that bringing attention to it might dilute or change it.
We travelled home to San Diego, and as it was very late I went straight to bed. I was given a futon to sleep on in the living room. I was happy for it; happy to be with family. The next day, my sister left early for work, and when I woke I did my morning practices, ate breakfast and began working on my laptop. I still had a mess of emotions and thoughts whirling in my mind from the events of the week, and so it was a stewing pot ready to be boiled.
When my Mom came and began nagging me about when we were going to go run some errands and when I wanted her to drop me off at a friend’s house whom I’d arranged to stay with, my emotions were the ones to respond.
I got upset and yelled at her for rushing me, for stressing me, for nagging me. In truth, she had asked very innocent questions that were all about how she could help me.
And when I took a moment to breath, and ask myself the question, “where are these emotions originating within me, and what is my true desire?”
The answer that returned was profoundly shifting and I burst into tears.
My true desire was simple – I just wanted to spend some time in the safety and comfort of a home, with my family near me, knowing I was not alone, and that I was supported. The belief reacting from behind the thoughts – “I’m being sent back out, I’m being told I have to be alone again.”
Now, you may think to yourself what extreme thoughts, but our beliefs are like this. Our beliefs are not shades of gray, they are concrete this way or that way, and it’s our thoughts that coat them with ambiguity.
Once you see what the belief behind the thought is, you can choose to shift it, and you shift it toward what your true desire is. And how do you make this shift? It’s easy – EXPRESS what your true desire is. You have to know yourself or get to know yourself.
We can’t expect others to understand or read our minds and know what we really want; especially if we are not clearly aware of it ourselves. Thus, self inquiry and vulnerable expression is the key.